Mick Rouse

THE SEVEN PEOPLE IN YOUR OFFICE POOL

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 20:40:00 -0400

If you have ever worked in an office building during the month of March, odds are you’ve dropped $10 into the communal cap with the hopes that your brackets—and pride—won’t bust. But the real question you should be asking yourself is, Which bracketier am I?

1. The Soccer Douche
If you think college basketball is madness, you clearly have never watched a Champions League match! Glory, glory, Man United!

Eliminated: NIT

2. The Insufferable Bragger
Kevin was the backup point guard on his backwoods high school team that once made it to the New York State, Section III, Class D Sectional Semifinals game—except that was two years before he even made it on to the varsity squad. He went on to play intramural’s in college. He never won a t-shirt. Kevin is basically the Skip Bayless of the office—talks loudly, but doesn’t actually know shit.

Eliminated: Round of 64

3. The Moocher Bro
He’s the guy constantly inviting you out for drinks after work that swears he knows someone who knows someone that can totally get you into that hot club this weekend if you want to tag along. He also knows that the only shot he has at winning any money in this year’s office pool is if he comes to you for help with his bracket. What this really means is that he expects you to fill out his entire bracket for him, which will inevitably result in him flipping out once he realizes you picked Minnesota over UCLA/Pittsburgh over Gonzaga/Davidson over Marquette and reversing all your picks (Hint: these are upsets you should have).

Eliminated: Round of 32

4. The Homer
Their brackets look great and they seem like the obvious front-runner to take the whole pot until T.J. Sorrentine comes in and fucks everything up, bouncing your would-be Champions in the first round. The only thing that stings worse? Keith Smart.

Eliminated: Sweet 16

5. The Boss’s Assistant
Sure, skeeze on the hot, leggy blonde all you want by offering to help her fill out those long, complicated brackets. What you don’t know: she was raised in Indiana with three older brothers and knows way more about the sport of basketball than you could ever hope to. And yes, you did just blow your chances of ever getting her on a first date.

Eliminated: Elite Eight

6. The Secret Statistician
He’s never even picked up a basketball, but he operates in a world of logic and watches enough college ball to know what the hell he is doing. Another plus: he doesn’t let his emotions or personal allegiances get in the way of making him some dough come March, most likely because he went to some fancy, D3 liberal arts school.

Eliminated: Final Four

7. The Unassuming Viper
Carol is the sweetest. She brings homemade cookies every Friday. Her desk is always stocked with candy. She remembered that Red Velvet was your favorite flavor of cupcake on your birthday. Carol also picked Santa Clara over Arizona in ’93, Princeton over UCLA in ’96, and Northern Iowa over Kansas in ’10. Carol is kind of a bitch.

NATIONAL CHAMPION

Justin Bieber keeps stealing my hairstyles And to be quite...

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 13:08:00 -0500

Justin Bieber keeps stealing my hairstyles

And to be quite frank, Swaggy Brah, I’m getting real fucking sick of it. You don’t dress nearly as well as those little ewoks the UK keeps calling boy bands and it’s really not helping me dissuade my friends from believing that me and Rachel Maddow were separated at birth. Cordially yours.

NATURAL REACTIONS OF A SYRACUSE FAN

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 12:07:00 -0500

I grew up in Syracuse. Winters suck in Syracuse. I mean, who invented lake effect snow? Seriously, knock that shit off. But with the temperature dipping below freezing also comes the Syracuse men’s basketball team. I love the Syracuse Orange. I mean it. I have about 47 different t-shirts to prove it. #IBLEEDORANGE. My father loved the Syracuse Orange before me, and his father before him, and his father before him. We never sit down or stop clapping until we score our first bucket, no matter where we may be (I apologize to my coworkers any time Syracuse has a day game during the middle of the week).

As I give so much of myself over to my beloved Orange, naturally I run the risk of being taken on an emotional roller coaster any time they step on the court. This was especially true during their past two games, an instant classic at Louisville and a nail biter in the Dome against Cinci. Therefore, I present three natural reactions, caught candidly, of a Syracuse fan:

Man, I’ve been Te’oing since ‘09!

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 11:56:00 -0500

Man, I’ve been Te’oing since ‘09!

A Look Back: The Best Books of 2012

Wed, 09 Jan 2013 16:43:00 -0500

10. The Casual Vacancy - J.K. Rowling
A surprising pick, especially considering how frustrated I was with Ms. Rowling’s first true post-Potter novel at times. But by the second half, I was entranced (yet again) by her free-flowing storytelling ability.

09. When Captain Flint Was Still A Good Man - Nick Dybek
The son of Stuart Dybek proves that his father passed down the writing chops with his debut novel, an updated take on the classic Treasure Island. Dark, complex, and engrossing, the younger Dybek successfully stepped out from behind the shadows of both his father and Robert Louis Stevenson.

08. Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore - Robin Sloan
A somewhat-secret society attempting to translate a 500-year-old encoded volume successfully wields itself as a reminder that the past still has a place in the present. And the future.

07. Narcopolis - Jeet Thayil
In 2006 I took an Indian Lit class and fell in love with the works of Tagore and Kolatkar. Thayil’s debut novel is like if the two mated and pushed out a literary child, combining the novelist’s heartfelt storytelling ability with the poet’s keen eye and rhythmic structure.

06. The Dog Stars - Peter Heller
It’s easy to grow complacent, but after finishing Heller’s The Dog Stars, a story about a pilot searching for some semblance of how things used to be in a post-apocalyptic world, you’ll begin second guessing just how much you have to give and how far you’ll go to find something more.

05. A Hologram for the King - Dave Eggers
If you’ve ever sat back while listening to the 9 o’clock news and wondered, “How did we get here?” A Hologram for the King might hold the answer. Ever poignant in its critique, Eggers beautifully encapsulates the current dilema we find ourselves in financially.

04. The Gods of Gotham - Lyndsay Faye
Set in 1845 New York at the formation of the NYPD, Faye’s mystery/thriller/crime de force is like the best Law & Order: SVU episode you’ve ever seen, even without Olivia Benson.

03. This Is How You Lose Her - Junot Diaz
There is one thing to be said when reading anything by Junot Diaz: You know that you’re reading something by Junot Diaz. And that is something incredibly uncommon in this era of writers. Simple, yet complex; street-wise, yet literary in his prose. I was unsure how he would follow up The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, but it’s clear now that Diaz is just hitting his stride.

02. Hope: A Tragedy - Shalom Auslander
Imagine dealing with a mid-life crisis, only to find Anne Frank living in your attic working on her next novel, consumed by the possibility that it may not surpass the title we know her best for. Yeah, sounds like a damn good read.

01. Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk - Ben Fountain
I can’t pretend that I know what it’s like to go to war and fight for my country, or what it must feel like to get a phone call telling me I must return to duty, but Fountain’s foray into the mind of a young soldier being celebrated with the rest of his squad on a nationwide tour raises an important question: How much can one truly give to his nation? More so, how much can we ask for one to give?

Honorable Mention

The Art of Fielding - Chad Harbach

Okay, sure, it actually came out in 2011, but Harbach’s debut novel is a modern masterpiece, weaving to and fro the lives of five characters who share much more than just a bond built on a baseball field or on the campus quad. Similar to the television version of Friday Night Lights in that while it’s a book about a sports team at its core, it’s not a sports book. The story stuck with me so much after my first go with it that I found myself picking it back up less than a month later for a reread.

This summer, after finishing up the glorious Hope: A Tragedy, I found myself staring at my bookcase, debating what novel to start next. There, staring at me was the slightly abused and cracked spine of The Art of Fielding and I couldn’t resist the urge. Foregoing my recent purchases at Barnes & Noble the week before, I dove back into the Westish College universe for the third time. And for the second year, Chad Harbach’s The Art of Fielding was the best book I read.

"All I’m saying is that the Greek gods never inspired any holy wars, never gave anyone shit for..."

Tue, 08 Jan 2013 13:30:34 -0500

“All I’m saying is that the Greek gods never inspired any holy wars, never gave anyone shit for not believing in them, and never demanded their followers proselytize. Because the Greek gods only cared about themselves, and the side benefit of that self-centeredness was a refreshing lack of prejudice.”

- Rob Bricken

A Look Back: The Best Music of 2012

Tue, 01 Jan 2013 19:59:00 -0500

2012 saw a trend of rock/indie/folk music entering the Top 40 thanks to the likes of fun., Gotye, and The Lumineers. Frank Ocean, Kendrick Lamar, and the continued popularity of The Weeknd reshaped the hip-hop landscape. The Gaslight Anthem offered up another spectacular display of rock ‘n’ roll and a duo from Canada not known as Tegan and Sara took us all my surprise with the best album of the year.

Top Albums of 2012

25. Somnous - Postcards EP
24. Marina and The Diamonds - Electra Heart
23. G.O.O.D. Music - Cruel Summer
22. Motion City Soundtrack - Go
21. Alt-J - An Awesome Wave
20. Ellie Goulding - Halcyon
19. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis - The Heist
18. Of Monsters and Men - My Head Is an Animal
17. Grizzly Bear - Shields
16. The xx - Coexist
15. The Killers - Battle Born
14. The Shins - Port of Morrow
13. Solange - True
12. Sleigh Bells - Reign of Terror
11. Tennis - Young & Old
10. Wild Nothing - Nocturne

09. Walk the Moon - Walk the Moon

08. Willy Moon - Willy Moon EP

07. The Lumineers - The Lumineers

06. Passion Pit - Gossamer

05. fun. - Some Nights

04. Frank Ocean - Channel ORANGE

03. Kendrick Lamar - good kid, m.A.A.d. city

02. The Gaslight Anthem - Handwritten

01. Japandroids - Celebration Rock

Top Songs of 2012

25. Walk the Moon - “Jenny”

24. Motion City Soundtrack - “Son Of a Gun”

23. Tennis - “Deep in the Woods”

22. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis - “Thrift Shop (feat. Wanz)”

21. The Shins - “Simple Song”

20. Of Monsters and Men - “Little Talks”

19. Ra Ra Riot - “Beta Love”

18. Solange - “Locked in Closets”

17. Two Door Cinema Club - “Sleep Alone”

16. The Killers - “Runaways”

15. Wild Nothing - “Shadow”

14. Regina Spektor - “All The Rowboats”

13. The Lumineers - “Ho Hey”

12. M.I.A. - “Bad Girls”

11. Willy Moon - “Yeah Yeah”

10. The xx - “Angels”

09. Kendrick Lamar - “Poetic Justice (feat. Drake)”

08. Bat For Lashes - “Laura”

07. Tegan and Sara - “Closer”

06. Japandroids - “Fire’s Highway”

05. Frank Ocean - “Thinkin Bout You”

04. Passion Pit - “Constant Conversations”

03. The Gaslight Anthem - “Biloxi Parish”

02. fun. - “Some Nights”

01. G.O.O.D. Music - “Mercy”

My first writing contribution for GQ; hopefully not the last

Fri, 28 Dec 2012 16:03:05 -0500

My first writing contribution for GQ; hopefully not the last

Last Minute Gift Ideas Yeah, Christmas is like, less than 48...

Fri, 21 Dec 2012 23:59:00 -0500

Wintercheck Factory rolls out these crazy cool wallets in seven bold colors. Just try not to be caught off guard the next time a cashier looks at you jealously. $25

The Big Jambox by Jawbone packs a huge sound is completely wireless, so you can stream music via Bluetooth on any of your personal devices. Perfect for your next house party. $249

Chad Harbach's debut novel may be about a baseball team, but its heart lies within how the lives of these characters intersect, ala Friday Night Lights. $20

Face it, there's no better way to carry your shit than in an old fashioned back pack. Thankfully, Herschel has been pushing out minimal, stylish bags since 2009. The Pop Quiz is mine of choice. $69

There's a lot to look forward to when visiting NYC's Blind Barber—great haircut, liquor, conversation—but what I secretly love most is the smell, which I can now duplicate in my own apartment. $88

I know, I know, a tie...how original. But this silk offering from Rag & Bone isn't just your average tie. Pair with a basic white dress shirt and brown leather jacket and you're set. $125

Last Minute Gift Ideas

Yeah, Christmas is like, less than 48 hours away, but don’t pretend like you were on top of your holiday shopping. Lucky for you, overnight shipping exists, so you can still kill the gift-giving game this season with these six items.

6 Grammy nominations for fun., Kanye and Jay, Gotye, Mumford...

Wed, 05 Dec 2012 23:32:00 -0500

6 Grammy nominations for fun., Kanye and Jay, Gotye, Mumford & Sons, and Frank Ocean…and none for Justin Bieber.

Faith in the music industry: Slightly Restored.

Heroes get remembered, legends never die Early this morning we...

Wed, 07 Nov 2012 10:07:00 -0500

Heroes get remembered, legends never die

Early this morning we lost the legendary Carmen Basilio. More importantly, we lost a good, good friend. RIP Carmen. You will always be Canastota’s first son.

Now catch up to my campaign, coupe the color of mayonnaise. Even...

Tue, 06 Nov 2012 23:40:00 -0500

Now catch up to my campaign, coupe the color of mayonnaise.

Even if you liked Romney, he sorta looks like Richard Nixon, and we all know how that turned out. Shout out to Angie Palmara for the solid joke.

On the real, though, looks like the Mayans may have gotten that whole 2012 thing wrong after all.

Photo of the Rockaways post Sandy, by Lauren Decicca.

Tue, 06 Nov 2012 08:55:46 -0500

Photo of the Rockaways post Sandy, by Lauren Decicca.

The New New York 11.2.12. Made with Paper.

Fri, 02 Nov 2012 13:08:00 -0400

The New New York

11.2.12. Made with Paper.

Why Sandy Sucked

Tue, 30 Oct 2012 23:18:00 -0400

Frankenstorm made her presence known last night and wreaked havoc on New York City. That is, every section of New York City except for my neighborhood, the Upper West Side. Instead, Sandy was a little wind, rain and a huge thorn in my side for 24 hours. Here are the top 20 reasons why Sandy sucked, in no particular order:

Right foot bruised thanks to a madwoman in an electric scooter at Gristedes Sunday night trying to beat me out for the last loaf of bread.
Wasn’t even a good loaf of bread. Was some strawberry banana swirl bullshit.
Bought three jugs of water and filled the freezer with 6 Glad containers more of H20, only to have a couple tree limbs fall around the neighborhood.
The power didn’t even go out.
Gym closed down for two days; no swol sessions.
Nothing happens in the first 100 pages of the new J.K. Rowling novel.
Roommate took refuge on the couch for the entire storm.
Neighbors that just moved in upstairs have a restless child who apparently idolizes Hulk Hogan.
That means he was busting out leg drops on his stuffed animals, not making sex tapes, you perv.
Of all the choices on Netflix, my roommate goes with The Stepford Wives.
Nothing happens in the first 200 pages of the new J.K. Rowling novel.
It’s really awkward to take a dump with your roommate sitting right outside the bathroom all day long.
It’s really awkward to try to fap with your roommate sitting right outside your bedroom all day long.
Nothing happens in the first 300 pages of the new J.K. Rowling novel.
After getting sick of The Stepford Wives 45 minutes into the film, the roommate shrugs off my suggestions of Drive, Capote, True Grit, and The Rugrats Movie and opts to marathon through every episode of Hart of Dixie.
There are only five seasons of Friday Night Lights and I finished them all last week.
No one retweeted my fake disaster picture.
Ma called me every hour, on the hour, starting on Sunday before the storm even hit.
Nothing happens in the first 400 pages of the new J.K. Rowling novel.
Five episodes in and I think I became a Hart of Dixie fan.

Fuck you, Sandy.

Your Unofficial Sandy Mixtape

Mon, 29 Oct 2012 20:16:00 -0400

Sandy, aka Sandra Dee, aka Frankenstorm, has hit the city. You might as well have some background music as she flings things at your windowpane all night long. So please enjoy, in no specific order, Sandy: The Mixtape.

Not a Rdio subscriber? Find the playlist in full right here on Spotify!

Hot Chicks & Cameras 01. Emily Croft. Brooklyn, New York....

Mon, 29 Oct 2012 17:26:00 -0400

Hot Chicks & Cameras

01. Emily Croft. Brooklyn, New York. September 2012.

In the great debate of top mashup artists, I think The White...

Mon, 29 Oct 2012 15:26:27 -0400

In the great debate of top mashup artists, I think The White Panda have just made a pretty solid case for themselves.

Excellence in Journalism

Thu, 18 Oct 2012 17:57:00 -0400

ESPN’s Jane McManus recently published an article titled “Tim Tebow might play at RB.” In the article, Tebow is quoted as saying, “It’s not something that’s been talked (about) or planned or worked on at all, so probably not.”

This has been an Excellence in Journalism moment.

Beyonce will perform at this year’s Super Bowl halftime...

Tue, 16 Oct 2012 18:50:00 -0400

Beyonce will perform at this year’s Super Bowl halftime show

Or as the rest of the world will see it, there will be a football game during a Beyonce concert.